News From Home

Ok, this is one of those posts that I don't really want to write and that's not going to be especially fun to read either. But, I'm going to write it anyway, because I want to keep people updated, with the good news and the bad.

This week was one of the most difficult of my life. I was just coming off an episode of homesickness that had lasted about three weeks. Sunday and Monday I was in a ridiculously good mood for no reason and I was glad to be here. It was nice, but of course, didn't last long. Monday night I had a message on Skype and on my phone telling me to call home. I knew then what had happened but I could only hope I was wrong.

I finally got in contact with my mom to confirm that my grandad, my mom's dad, had died that morning. It was apparently peaceful and he'd been sick a long time but I was not expecting it to be this soon. All I knew is that I wanted to be home. I wanted to be with my family.

I went to school the next day thinking it would be good to be distracted. I was wrong. I got a bad stomach virus on top of it all and spent most of the four hours zoned out or with my head on the desk. That night I told my host mom and she said I could go home for a few weeks and even helped me find flights. It was sooo tempting but everyone from home said to stay here. It's expensive and so short notice. I was sick, would have been struggling with jet lag the whole time, and if I'd missed any flights, it would have complicated things so much more because I'd be arriving the night before the funeral. Basically I had to choose between this and Christmas.

So I stayed here, being basically useless because I just kept thinking how I could be at home right then. Thursday was the worst day. The funeral was at 11am where you are, 5pm here. I stayed in my room all day looking up pictures of haircuts I want to distract myself. At 5 I had just picked up the kids from school and right then, one of them decided to start crying and screaming at me for some reason that I have yet to understand. So there I am, on the verge of breaking down, shaking, and standing in the rain. Here, not where I should have been.

I spent the next few days locked in my room doing what I call "wallowing." I was planning on doing it today too but last night I got to talk to my mom and brother on Skype and that made me feel better and then a friend convinced me to go to her house to watch Twilight while eating Nutella and pretzels and sipping wine. Pretty content to stay in my room continuing my pity party, I first said no but I'm glad she convinced me to go. It was nice to be among people again, doing regular fun things and not thinking about home.

Driving back to the house, I was thinking how much I really do love this place and how lucky I am to live here right now. I just wish there were people from home here that I could show this stuff to. I'm also really missing Barnes and Noble. How bizarre.